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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26171821">Now or Never</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelotusflower/pseuds/thelotusflower'>thelotusflower</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>South Park</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged Up, Canon Compliant, High School, Lots of drinking, M/M, Pining, Spin the Bottle, bi Craig, confession of love, going away to college, high school party, lots of swearing, super cliche, there are more minor characters but I’m not tagging, this is literally Craig just pining forever</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:41:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,004</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26171821</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelotusflower/pseuds/thelotusflower</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Yeah. And you’ll tell Tweek.”</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck. No, I won’t.”</p><p> </p><p>Kenny puts out his cigarette. “Then I’m not telling Butters.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. Why the fuck do I care.”</p><p> </p><p>Or</p><p>Kenny kind of makes a deal with Craig that he will tell Butters how he feels if Craig tells Tweek, but Craig is reluctant. They leave for college in two weeks, and it’s now or never.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kenny McCormick &amp; Craig Tucker, Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>186</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Now or Never</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>ummmm I really need to go to bed because it’s 3 am but I’m insane and had to post this so hope you like it :)  pls let me know in comments thank you</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He watches Clyde do a keg stand, everyone as the seconds that tick by. Clyde’s face is bright red and his chubby arms are trembling, Token and Kyle holding onto his legs. He’s at the ten second mark and Craig made a bet with Kenny he would not make it to fifteen, so he really hope his friends tumbles over any second now.</p><p> </p><p>“ELEVEN... TWELVE… THIRTEEN… FOURTEEN… FIFTEEN…”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Fuck. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kenny snickers next to him and immediately puts his palm out,  face-up, his greedy fingers wiggling. Craig rolls his eyes, digging five dollars out of his pant pocket and grudgingly slaps it onto his palm.</p><p> </p><p>“SIXTEEN… SEVENTEEN… EIGHTEEN… NINETEEN…”</p><p> </p><p>Clyde collapses, the beer draining out onto the cement instead of his mouth. He curls up into the fetal position and cries out, “FUCK!”</p><p> </p><p>“LAME!” Cartman shouts, pushing people out of the way of the crowd. “CLYDE YOU FUCKING SUCK BALLS!” he yells at Clyde who is curled up on the cement still.</p><p> </p><p>“How about you do it then, Fatass?” Kyle disputes.</p><p> </p><p>Of <em> fucking course. </em>Kyle cannot - not get involved when it comes to Cartman. “Ten bucks I can go longer than Clyde!”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re on fat ass!” he exclaims. He looks over to Kenny, “Kenny get over here, we need your help to hold this fat ass up.”</p><p> </p><p>Craig watches as his friend gets up to help them — he really does not know why he involves himself so much with these assholes. Kenny aids Token and Kyle in holding up Cartman, everyone chanting as the seconds tick again — Cartman making it up to <em> nine </em> before collapsing.</p><p> </p><p>“KYLE! YOU FUCKING JEW! YOU PUSHED ME!” Cartman points at him, screaming from the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“I DID NOT FATASS! YOU OWE TEN BUCKS!” </p><p> </p><p>“SUCK MY HAIRY, FAT BALL, KYLE! KENNY, DID YOU SEE THAT KENNY? HE PUSHED ME!”</p><p> </p><p>“He did not, Cartman, give him the money.” Kenny states. “Craig and I made a bet too — and he wasn’t such a sore pussy loser when he lost.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t involve me in any of your bullshit.” Craig mutters.</p><p> </p><p>Kyle and Cartman continue to fight; Clyde still curls up into a ball on the ground — Bebe checking on him now, and Kenny comes back over to Craig. “Wanna get another drink with me? Get away from these losers?”</p><p> </p><p>“They are <em>your</em> best friends.” Craig glares at him, but nonetheless, he picks himself off the lounge chair he was in and follows Kenny back into the house.</p><p> </p><p>The music is <em> terrible </em> and the drinks are <em> worse. </em> Craig does not even really want to <em> be </em>here. He isn’t going to miss any of these assholes anyway when he goes away to college. </p><p> </p><p><em> Well, </em>he might miss one person.</p><p> </p><p>His eyes float over to Tweek as Kenny prepares them two drinks in the kitchen. Tweek is in the dining room, standing and talking to Jimmy, smiling and cheerful — pretty and golden from a summer of sun. He can see the freckles scattered around his nose and cheeks from here.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“You want me to fix that boner, Craig?”</p><p> </p><p>Craig <em> glares </em>at Kenny. Kenny replies with a prideful snicker, shoving the red solo cup in his hand, the liquid splashing over his skin. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck off, Mc’Cormik.”</p><p> </p><p>Kenny snickers some more and clanks his red solo cup against his, before taking a sip.</p><p> </p><p>“Drink up and you might actually find your balls to tell him how you feel.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t <em> feel </em>anything.”</p><p> </p><p>Kenny howls at his, grabbing onto his stomach and bending over with laughter. He slaps Craig’s back, “you’re fucking hilarious. No one gives you enough credit for how funny you are.”</p><p> </p><p>He rolls his eyes and follows Kenny out of the house. Kenny slides down against the brick wall, taking a seat on the grass. Craig mirrors his actions, sitting beside him. They are far enough away from the beer keg that all Craig can hear is arguing, but not the words themselves. He cannot believe Kyle and Cartman got all the way to high school graduation without murdering each other, or at least sucking each other’s dicks, <em> something. </em>No, they just act the same as when they were in fourth grade.</p><p> </p><p>Kenny pulls out a cigarette and lights it with a red lighter, setting the cigarette between his lips. He lifts the cigarette box to Craig, but he just shakes his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Pussy.” Kenny mumbles.</p><p> </p><p>Craig rolls his eyes again. </p><p> </p><p>Kenny was always the one he hated least in Stan’s group; he even considered him a close friend when they were kids, but now they are even closer, ever since their little sisters started dating. </p><p> </p><p>Kenny blows out his smoke and Craig coughs.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, I’m serious - You should tell Tweek tonight,” he says, looking forward. </p><p> </p><p>Token is now doing the keg stand. Clyde finally has managed to pull himself off the ground and is holding Token’s legs, along with Kyle who seems satisfied meaning he probably got his ten bucks. </p><p> </p><p>There is also that <em> other </em>thing that kind of bonded him with Kenny…</p><p> </p><p>He sort of helped him realize he was bisexual.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>After the yaoi incident, he came to term with his sexuality: he was <em> gay — </em> eventually, gay and <em> proud </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Then, the worst thing that could ever happen, happened in sixth grade — he got a boner – because of a <em> girl, </em>woman, actually – his sixth grade science teacher. She was wearing a deep, low cut v-neck and a tight, mini skirt — PC principle encouraged the women of the school to wear whatever they wanted, rejecting gender norms and discrimination.</p><p> </p><p>The boner sent him on a full blown identity crisis, leading him to break up with Tweek. And unlike all the other break ups, they never got back together.</p><p> </p><p>It circulated fast around the school that they were done – that Craig was no longer Gay Craig, but Straight Craig, and Craig believed it – he accepted it as his new identity even though he still liked Tweek and spent way more time staring at him than any <em> girl </em>.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t until eighth grade, when Kenny McCormik — the kid who had a new girlfriend every week — made out with him in the boys’ restroom during the eighth grade dance, he realized it was possible to like <em> both.  </em></p><p> </p><p>“You’re gay?” Craig asked him after their make out session.</p><p> </p><p>Kenny laughed at this, “no way, I like both. Why limit yourself to one when boys and girls are both <em> so </em> hot?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>And just like that, it was so simple.</p><p> </p><p>The rumor went around that they made out, Craig making it clear that he was Bisexual – not straight, not gay, but Bi.</p><p> </p><p>It all made so much sense — it made him feel like a complete moron to not understand it before.</p><p> </p><p>They dated for a week until Kenny dumped him, claiming he obviously forever belonged to Tweek even though Tweek absolutely hated him after the rumor of him and Kenny making out went around.</p><p> </p><p>It oddly did not affect their friendship though, because even though, <em> yeah </em> , Kenny was cute and all, he <em> was </em>right — his heart belonged to Tweek and when Kenny ended things, it didn’t affect him at all; it just made him more remorseful of that stupid fucking, life ruining boner in sixth grade.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, Tweek forgot about it — they had the same friends and it was hard to avoid each other. Tweek even got a boyfriend himself and it lasted way more than a week — <em> months </em>. He went to another school so Craig luckily didn’t see them much together.</p><p> </p><p>Up to the beginning of senior year, Tweek only had that one other boyfriend but then he started dating Kevin Stoley –  some stupid sci fi nerd that probably didn’t even <em> really </em>appreciate or understand space like Craig did.</p><p> </p><p>They dated for, like, four months and two weeks, not that Craig is counting or anything — Craig did date Tweek longer though, just <em> saying </em> . They just broke up about a week ago; Craig heard from Clyde that Kevin didn’t want to do long distance. <em> Asshole. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Daydreaming about Tweek?” Kenny waves a hand in his face, laughing like some wild hyena. </p><p> </p><p>“Dude, I told you to fuck off.”</p><p> </p><p>It’s not like he is just some sort of psycho – he’s dated people since Tweek: one girl and another boy, but it lasted only a few months both times. He didn’t go all the way with either of them: getting a blow job from the girl and handjob from the boy. He made out with Wendy Testaburg at a party once while playing spin the bottle, pissing off Stan which was more satisfying than the make out session. Then, there was that time with Kenny in eighth grade but that is <em> it – </em> the end of his sexual experience. He is a <em> virgin </em> , which is extremely embarrassing because his best friend — <em> god, is Kenny really his best friend now? — </em>has basically slept with half their class.</p><p> </p><p>“Why don’t <em> you </em>tell Butters how you feel?”</p><p> </p><p>Kenny’s eyes drop to the cement; a long trail of smoke trailing out of his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>Butters wasn’t <em> out </em> but god, it was <em> obvious. </em></p><p> </p><p>“All right,” Kenny says, flicking his cigarette out of his mouth. “Deal.”</p><p> </p><p>Craig gapes at him. “You’re going to tell Butters.” It’s a question but he forms it more as a statement, not changing the fluctuation at the end.</p><p> </p><p>Kenny has been crushing on Butters for the last year but for whatever  reason — maybe because he actually <em> cares </em>about him and it’s not just sex — he has been unable to make a move.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. And you’ll tell Tweek.”</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck. No, I won’t.”</p><p> </p><p>Kenny puts out his cigarette. “Then I’m not telling Butters.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. Why the fuck do I care.” He states in a monotone, not meeting Kenny’s glare. He sees Tweek again now, circled around the beer keg with Jimmy. It looks like Jimmy is going to be up next. </p><p> </p><p>Tweek has changed a lot since fourth grade — all the baby fat he once had has melted away. He has continued with his kickboxing and it shows — his long arms and legs lean with muscle, and shoulders wide. Earlier this summer, they all went to the water park and Craig got a glance at Tweek’s glistening abs. </p><p> </p><p>Then there is Craig — lanky and tall, his limbs long and thin. </p><p> </p><p>In third grade, it was a fair fight with Tweek — a complete draw between the two, but if they fought now…</p><p> </p><p>Craig may be <em> taller </em>but Tweek would most definitely take him down.</p><p> </p><p>“I swear not a single person in this town actually gives a shit about my happiness.”</p><p> </p><p>“If you want to tell Butters, go ahead, but I’m not telling Tweek — he <em> literally </em>just got out of a relationship.”</p><p> </p><p>Kenny snorts. “With Stoley?” Kenny mock gags, pointing a finger to his throat. “Dude. That kid has, like, a micropenis.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is there a person in this town you <em> haven’t </em>fucked?”</p><p> </p><p>“You. Tweek. Butters.” Kenny scratches his head. “That’s about it. Cartman — I wouldn’t touch that with a goddamn hundred foot pole.”</p><p> </p><p>Craig scowls at the image. </p><p> </p><p>“Is Stoley really that small?” He asks, his eyes landing on Tweek. </p><p> </p><p>They had to have slept together<em> . </em>He heard from Token who heard from Jimmy that they spent a night alone at Stoley’s house when his parents went to some wedding one night in El Paso.</p><p> </p><p>Kenny shrugs, “I don’t kiss and tell.”</p><p> </p><p>“You literally —,” Craig just groans and drops it. He fucking hates him.</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Kenny stands up, brushing the grass and dirt off his ass, “gotta go find Butters and put it all out there.” He winks at Craig.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m still not telling Tweek.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be a pussy, Tucker. You leave for college in two weeks — now or never.”</p><p> </p><p>He watches Kenny walk off, and notices he left the rest of his drink. He gulps it down, and then his own. He looks back over at the group on the other side of the lawn: they are all yelling at each other about something again and it seems that Jimmy is telling them to put him down, but they are not listening.</p><p> </p><p>He rolls his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Now or never. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He looks at Tweek — he’s got his hands on his red solo cup, it fidgeting in his hold, his body swaying back and forth, maybe from nervousness or the music blaring from inside the house — but this music fucking blows and he knows Tweek has better taste so he has to assume its nervousness.</p><p> </p><p>They finally let Jimmy down and it looks like they are all harassing Tweek to do it now but he is shaking his head and shaking his hands in a motion indicating that he doesn’t want to do it, and <em> dammit. </em>Craig gets up and walks over there.</p><p> </p><p>“I want to do it.” He announces to them all, Tweek’s eyes going wide at him, watching.</p><p> </p><p>The assholes hold his legs up and he puts his mouth on the keg, the beer gushing in his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“This is so <em> gay!” </em> Cartman laughs. “I bet your good at sucking liquids up, aren’t you, Craig? Cause you’re so <em> gay. </em>” And at this, he picks his head up and tells the assholes to put him back down.</p><p> </p><p>“All right, I’m fucking done with you assholes.” He flips them all off, glancing at Tweek before he walks off.</p><p> </p><p>And he wasn’t planning on talking to Tweek but suddenly, the blonde is up behind him, walking beside him. “I guess I should thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Craig eyes him nervously. <em> Fuck. </em>He is even more gorgeous up close.</p><p> </p><p>“For what?” He plays dumb.</p><p> </p><p>Tweek just smiles and it makes his heart melt into his rib cage. “ACK. I would have thrown up.”</p><p> </p><p>He is just walking with no indication of where he is going, but Tweek takes a seat on the old swing set so Craig follows suit, sitting in the swing next to him; not even really thinking about it.</p><p> </p><p>It’s not incredibly unusual that he spends alone time with Tweek but it’s definitely not <em> normal </em> . For a long time, it was <em> awkward; </em> Craig made sure they never had a moment alone, but then one day, he found himself <em> yearning </em> for these moments alone with Tweek — he dearly missed them, missed <em> him </em>— awkward moments, and all.</p><p> </p><p>He scratches his neck, looking at his feet that kick in the dirt. “I was going to throw up from listening to that fat ass talk.”</p><p> </p><p>Tweek laughs — a delightful, bubbly laugh. He takes a sip of his drink, eyeing him with sparkles in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>They used to spend hundreds of moments alone when they were <em> dating </em> — he spent nearly every day between fourth and sixth grade with Tweek. building spacecraft models and watching Red Racer. He was his <em> best </em>friend and the person he had his first kiss with.</p><p> </p><p>He often wonders if when people ask Tweek when his first <em> real </em>kiss was — who it was with — if he tells him it was with Craig in fifth grade, at Stark’s Pond, during sunset, after a day of skating on the frozen pond.</p><p> </p><p>When he tells people this — they laugh, and say, “no like your first <em> real </em> kiss,” because apparently kisses in fifth grade don’t count and aren’t <em> real. </em></p><p> </p><p>It was very <em> real </em>to him though.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>He wonders if Kenny is actually telling Butters.</p><p> </p><p>He looks around for them, but doesn’t see them.</p><p> </p><p>“You think he, nnngh, is gonna is gonna jerk off to that later,” Tweek nods to the beer keg. Kyle is now the one with the keg in his mouth, his legs being held up by Cartman and Clyde — Craig is <em> sure </em>Cartman is checking out Kyle’s groin and ass.</p><p> </p><p>He snickers. “If he can manage to find his micropenis under all those layers of fat, maybe.”</p><p> </p><p>Tweek’s laugh echoes in his ears again. He looks over at the blonde – his voice has deepened a lot since fourth grade but his laugh somehow still has that magical childlike wonder and awe to it.</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus. Gross, man.”</p><p> </p><p>Tweek’s just gotten prettier with age — grown into his features of big, round cheeks, grey almond eyes and turned up nose. His lips though, his lips are his best feature — plush, full and pink.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> God. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He pushes his feet against the dirt, projecting himself into a swing, wrapping his fingers around the ropes that hold up the piece of plastic he sits on.</p><p> </p><p>He spent so much time in this backyard — the second, Donovan backyard. In fourth grade, Clyde moved <em> here, </em> now he is moving again— they all are, off to college.</p><p> </p><p>He heard Tweek is off to New York — got into Juilliard and is pursuing his dream of Theater. It’s another reason he should not tell him — Craig is going to University of Denver, thirty miles away from South Park and 1700 miles from New York.</p><p> </p><p>He just realizes now he never got the chance to say congratulations.</p><p> </p><p>“I never told you congratulations.”</p><p> </p><p>“Augh - <em> hm </em> - for what?” Tweek asks.</p><p> </p><p>“Julliard.”</p><p> </p><p>It pangs his heart to say. It’s somehow worse than seeing him with Stoley, than Tweek hating him the whole summer between eighth and ninth grade when he kissed Kenny. It’s the worst feeling in the whole world knowing he is going to New York and won’t see him everyday — at Tweek Bro’s, School, Downtown, Token’s Mansion, Stark’s Pond.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Tweek stiffens, halting in his swing. “Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Craig smiles sadly at his ex-boyfriend. </p><p> </p><p>Tweek glances down, twirling a little in his swing, his legs swaying back and forth. “You know… I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you,” he murmurs, meeting Craig’s gaze.</p><p> </p><p>Craig’s heartbeat quicken’s.</p><p> </p><p>“You believed in my acting skills before anyone.” He watches Tweek’s Adam’s Apple rise and fall as he swallows. </p><p> </p><p>Craig blinks at him. “You’ve always had it in you —it’s all you, dude.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nngh, I needed the push though.”</p><p> </p><p><em> Fuck. </em> Why is Craig thinking about Kenny —is Kenny giving him <em> the push </em> — is this just as simple as Tweek needed the push to act — resulting in something <em> wonderful </em>?</p><p> </p><p>There is a toothless smile on his face, and Craig feels the same sensation he felt as a kid with Tweek — even when he didn’t <em> understand </em> what being <em> gay </em>really meant, he always got this warm, fuzzy, inside him, almost like he is buzzed — it’s better than a buzz, though, alcohol could never help him reach this level of nirvana.</p><p> </p><p>His Nirvana is interrupted though when Clyde and Token come hurtling over to them — “we are playing spin the bottle, <em> strip </em>addition — If you don’t want to kiss the person then you have to strip.”</p><p> </p><p>Craig rolls his eyes. Tweek fidgets and squirms slightly in his peripheral view. </p><p> </p><p>“Aren’t we too old for these children's games?” Craig deadpans, glaring at his friends.</p><p> </p><p>“Dude <em> please, pretty please, with a cherry on top </em>play.” Clyde whines, his face scrunching up like it always does whenever he complains. He has his palms flat together like he is praying. “I gotta see Bebe’s boobs one last time before going to college.”</p><p> </p><p>Craig rolls his eyes. “You literally dated like five times — you already know what they look like.”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly why I need to see them again — they’re <em> perfect!” </em></p><p> </p><p>“Come on, Tweek, you wanna play, right?” Token nudges Tweek in the ribcage with his knuckles. </p><p> </p><p>Craig watches Tweek react — his lips parting ever so slightly and the hesitation glinting in his eyes and crinkled up nose. “Nnngh, I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>Clyde punches him lightly in the arm. “Now it’s just you, Craig, come on, maybe you’ll land on Wendy again. Marsh’s face was priceless,” he snickers.</p><p> </p><p>Craig lets out a sigh. He glances at Tweek wistfully— it’s unlikely but…</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Fine </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Craig and Tweek follow their friends through the backyard and into the Donovan house, turning the corner at the enterence and trudging down to the basement.</p><p> </p><p>There everyone is — circled around some empty Smirnoff bottle. </p><p> </p><p>He spots Kenny, and next to him, <em> Butters. </em> They are holding <em> hands </em>. He gapes at this. Kenny meets his gaze with a smirk, bouncing up his eyebrows at him. </p><p> </p><p>Craig can’t believe it — the bastard actually <em> did </em>it.</p><p> </p><p>Craig takes a seat next to Clyde, and then Token sits next to <em> him, </em>Tweek following and placing himself between Token and Heidi.</p><p> </p><p>Craig looks over at Nichole and then Token. “So, you’re really okay with your girlfriend macking on some other dude?”</p><p> </p><p>Token chuckles. “It’s a game. And It’s not like I have to worry about her leaving me for any of you dickheads.”</p><p> </p><p>Craig looks around again at the circle — it’s <em> Token </em> , <em> Tweek, Heidi, Bebe, Wendy, Red, Nichole, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, Butters, Jimmy, Clyde, and himself </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Meaning he has a one in fourteenth chance on landing on Tweek — he figures he has had worse odds.</p><p> </p><p>Nichole and Token are the only couple currently <em> together </em> of the group; well, he isn’t sure about Kenny and Butters <em> now </em> , he thinks as he watches Kenny whisper something to him, making him giggle. But an abundance of this group has dated in the past — Cartman and Heidi, Stan and Wendy, Bebe and Clyde, Red and <em> Clyde, Red and Jimmy, Kyle and Bebe — </em> Craig even dated Red for a short period in like third grade, a lot of these relationships happened in grade school and barely count, but he still recalls all the drama formed from them. He guesses he also dated Kenny for that one week. Then, <em> of course, </em>him and Tweek.</p><p> </p><p>He is honestly probably missing something — he knows Kenny has made out with all the girls beside Wendy, but he usually always <em> dates </em>older girls.</p><p> </p><p>Point being, a lot of them have dated eachother; a lot of these relationships dumb and in grade school or middle school, a lot of them meaningless — it’s another reason it would be so stupid to tell Tweek how he feels. They dated for two years, yeah, but they were <em> kids. </em></p><p> </p><p>Stan spins the bottle first and it lands on Cartman; everyone rolling over with laughter. Stan gags and pulls off his shirt, shaking his head vigorously, “OH GOD, MY EYES — FUCK. I DON’T NEED THIS MENTAL PICTURE — SOMEONE ELSE JUST GO!”</p><p> </p><p>“YOU FUCKING GAYWAD. I KNOW YOU WANT TO KISS ME, YOU JUST DONT WANT TO UPSET YOUR JEW BOYFRIEND.”</p><p> </p><p>“FUCK YOU CARTMAN! WE ARENT <em> GAY!” </em></p><p> </p><p>Cartman starts laughing obnoxiously, slapping his knee and shaking his head. “Oh, Kyle, oh Kyle, you’re so fucking funny — that’s hilarious. Isn’t that <em> hilarious, Kenny? </em>” He puts a hang on Kenny’s shoulder which he immediately flinches away from. “Kenny — use your gaydar, isn’t Kyle gay?”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t sense anything beyond the <em> your </em> fat ass.”</p><p> </p><p>“FUCK YOU KENNY! YOU’RE POOR! YOUR GAYDAR IS PROBABLY ALL FUCKED UP BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN A TRAILER PARK WITH A BUNCH OF POOR SICK FUCKS WHO SNORT METH!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my God! Kyle just <em> go.” </em>Wendy demands.</p><p> </p><p>The group shuts up at that — <em> annoying dickheads. </em></p><p> </p><p>Kyle lands on Butters and eyes Kenny hesitantly. </p><p> </p><p>“KISS!” Kenny pounds his fist against the floor which gets a group of people following, chanting along with the word.</p><p> </p><p>So, Kyle leans over and kisses Butters on the lips with a short peck, pulling back, flushed and falling back into his seat next to Stan.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah, I got that memorized for later.” Kenny Winks at Kyle, which Kyle responds to with an eye roll and <em> gross, Kenny! </em></p><p> </p><p> Cartman spins the bottle and it lands on Heidi which he groans to. “Fucking shit. Heidi, it looks like your prayers have been answered.”</p><p> </p><p>Heidi frowns and says, “you wish,” but she still leans towards he middle and kisses him — Cartman tries to extend the kiss, but she hits him over his head and screams, “<em> get your fucking tongue out of my mouth!” </em></p><p> </p><p>Heidi and Cartman dated in fourth grade and then again in ninth for like six months — Craig never understood why she gave him another chance but ever since their break up she has absolutely hated his guts, but he knows Cartman’s tongue has been down her throat before,  unfortunately. They used to suck face at lunch — it was disgusting and Craig barely ate that year.</p><p> </p><p>Kenny squeezes Butter’s hand and kisses his cheek before spinning the bottle, confirming that they are <em> together </em> and Kenny <em> told </em> him, and wow, is he really that much of a pussy that he can’t do the same?</p><p> </p><p>The bottle lands on him and his eyes go wide. Kenny has a shit eating grin on and is crawling over to him, but he flips him off and says, “fuck that,” and takes off his shirt.</p><p> </p><p>Kenny looks hurt, eyebrows furrowed with a frown.</p><p> </p><p>If he is going to confess to Tweek tonight he cannot kiss Kenny — last time he did, Tweek hated him.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow, Tucker,” he falls back in his seat next to Butters, clutching his heart. “That hurts.”</p><p> </p><p>“You probably have herpes or something, and I’m not risking it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey there, fella!” Butters frowns. “Be nice to Kenny. He doesn’t have any STD’s.”</p><p> </p><p>Kenny squeezes his hand again and beams at him. “Thank you, honey.”</p><p> </p><p>No one else seems to be reacting to the two — maybe they just aren’t surprised. </p><p> </p><p>Craig manages to glance over at Tweek and he is looking down at his drink, a small smile traced over his lips that touch the rim of the cup. Craig is not positive it’s because he rejected Kenny but he wants to believe it.</p><p> </p><p>Butters goes next and it lands on Tweek, actually. They share a small, simple kiss and Craig watches Kenny smirk at him as they share one, mouthing <em> foursome? </em> with wiggling eyebrows. Craig flips him off and prays no one saw what Kenny mouthed.</p><p> </p><p>Jimmy goes next and it lands on Red. They share a pretty intense, almost make out session. If Craig remembers correctly they dated in grade school for like a week and then again in seventh grade — they mutually ended it and are friends. They pull away laughing as everyone cheers.</p><p> </p><p>Craig takes a sip of his drink as he watches it get closer and closer to his turn — it’s just Clyde and then himself.</p><p> </p><p>Clyde lands on Nichole and immediately frowns, probably sad it’s not Bebe, and looks at Token with wide eyes. “Fuck - Token - I - uh, <em> dude.” </em></p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine, man,” he says. “It’s a <em> game </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>But Clyde can’t go through with it and removes his shirt instead, making Token and Nichole both chuckle.</p><p> </p><p>It’s his turn and his heart summits into his chest, quickly beating as he spins the empty Smirnoff bottle. He watches it with an intense gaze as it goes round and round, and sighs when it lands on Wendy.</p><p> </p><p>It will be funny — pissing Stan off — but it’s not who he wanted.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck,” Stan spits out. “How do you always land on her.”</p><p> </p><p>Wendy glares at Stan— not that Craig keeps up with them but he knows they are currently off and have been since at least prom when Wendy went with David Rodriguez. He leans into the middle, over the bottle of Smirnoff and meets her lips.</p><p> </p><p>She opens her mouth against his and he feels the tip of her tongue brush against the brim of his mouth but he pulls back before the kiss can intensify. Wendy is for sure just trying fuck with Stan, which normally Craig has no obligations against but his mind is on Tweek.</p><p> </p><p>Tokens next and then <em> Tweek. </em></p><p> </p><p>Token lands on Nichole, which everyone says <em> awww </em> too, except Cartman who says, “holy shit guys — <em> holy shit — Black </em> Magic <em> is </em>real.”</p><p> </p><p>They share a sensual kiss and then it’s Tweek’s turn.</p><p> </p><p>With fidgety hands, he spins the bottle. Craig watches it intently and he is pretty sure his heart just <em> stops </em> when it lands, pointed to <em> him. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Holy shit. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He hears a wolf whistle and is not surprised when he looks up and sees its Kenny who is doing so — along with clapping his hands together. Everyone else starts clapping as well and Cartman says, “Oh My Gaw - D!” covering his hands over his mouth and mumbling something about <em> Cupid Me. </em></p><p> </p><p>Fucking <em> weirdo. </em></p><p> </p><p>Wendy is whispering something to Bebe and Bebe is encouragingly nodding with a smile.</p><p> </p><p>He picks his gaze up at Tweek — his grey round eyes wide fluttering.</p><p> </p><p>He swallows. He licks his lips,  and leans forward over Token to meet Tweek’s mouth. There is a a slight pause before they cut the space between them;  Tweek’s lips are soft as he can remember; tasting of coffee and liquor.</p><p> </p><p>He parts his lips against Tweek’s, opening his mouth slightly; his heart pounding and head spinning. The rest of the room fades away as Tweek’s lips becomes the only thing that exists. He runs his hands through Tweek’s hair, his hand slightly trembling as he does so — his hair so smooth and silky beneath his fingertips.</p><p> </p><p>They both pulls their lips back in sync. Craig spends a microsecond just staring at Tweek, feeling his hot breath and watching his pupils dialate. He lets go of his hair and leans back into his spot next to Token, only now aware of all the chanting and cheering — Kenny still whistling and howling.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t even dare to look at Kenny though — he refuses to acknowledge that smug son of a bitch.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually everyone calms down and Heidi takes her turn, landing on Bebe. The two girls kiss intensely, earning another round of howls and whistles but Craig just looks over at Tweek. He is just looking down into his drink, expressionless.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What is on his mind. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Bebe goes next and lands on Kyle. They share a short kiss before Wendy goes — landing on Kenny. Stan shoots him a glare and because Kenny is good friends with Stan, and a good one at that, he shrugs off his jacket, saying, “sorry, sweetheart, bro’s before hoes.”</p><p> </p><p>Red kisses Wendy, Nichole kisses Butters, and then it’s back to Stan. He lands on Kyle and everyone goes <em> wild </em> when the two boys kiss. Kenny leans over to Cartman and mumbles, “ten bucks Kyle has a boner,” which Cartman giggles too, kicking his legs out, and screaming “ <em> FAGS </em>!”</p><p> </p><p>The game goes on — people shredding clothes and kissing their friends, but Craig does not land on Tweek again, nor does Tweek land on him. </p><p> </p><p>Eventually it ends when everyone gets tired of stripping off their garments and kissing each other — the group dispersing throughout the basement and Donovan house. Craig watches as Tweek walks away with Kyle and Stan, off to get more drinks or something. He wants to go after him but … doesn’t. </p><p> </p><p>Kenny comes up to him afterward, slinging his arm around him.</p><p> </p><p>“You hopeless sap.”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs Kenny off him and shakes his head. “I can’t believe you told Butters.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe you <em> haven’t </em>told Tweek.”</p><p> </p><p>He shakes his head. “What is the point.”</p><p> </p><p>“To <em> bone </em> him?”</p><p> </p><p>Craig almost growls. </p><p> </p><p>Kenny snickers. “I’m just kidding, dude. You’re obviously like <em> in </em>love with him — you ever think I just want you to be happy?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> No </em>.” Craig deadpans.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I do and so does Tricia.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tricia?” Craig’s eyebrows furrow. “Kenny, what the fuck. You’re talking to my sister about this shit?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s came up.” Kenny shrugs. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s fucking weird, dude.”</p><p> </p><p>Kenny pats him on the back. “Just stop being a pussy, dude.”</p><p> </p><p>Kenny walks away and Craig watches as he sneaks up behind Butters, pinching his side. Butter turns to him, lips turned up into a bright, pearly smile — a squeaky laugh escaping his lips. Kenny leans forward and presses his lips against Butter’s, both pulling away with a grin that makes Craig clench his fits and grit his teeth.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Fucking Kenny. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He needs another drink — he walks up stairs and into the kitchen, grabbing a drink and then walking outside for some air.</p><p> </p><p>He spots Tweek on the swinging bench, the spot next to him free and he sighs as he goes over there, planting himself down next to him.</p><p> </p><p>Kenny and Butters looked <em> so </em>happy — like they’ve been together forever, not just tonight.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Craig,” Tweek greets.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” he says.</p><p> </p><p>There is a brief pause. Craig looks away — staring straight ahead. </p><p> </p><p>“I heard Stoley broke up with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Tweek’s head falls to his chest, “mm, yeah — he <em> ack, </em>didn’t want to deal with the distance.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s fucking stupid.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nnngh,” Tweek stammers. “I don’t know — I get it.”</p><p> </p><p>Craig looks over to him, flat faced. Tweek continues with a shrug, “<em> ack — </em>it’s a really long way away.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s a <em> moron.” </em> Craig decrees. “He is the stupidest guy in the world.”</p><p> </p><p>Tweek’s eyebrow quirks up, a frown framing out on his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“And I — I know that from experience,” Craig adds.</p><p> </p><p>Tweek lips part but nothing comes out.</p><p> </p><p>“What — ack — are you saying, Craig?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Fuck it. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Tweek — I — I ,” his eyes are searching his expression and Craig can only gulp. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Fuck. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I forgot that I have to go talk to Kenny.”</p><p> </p><p>He rushes off the swinging bench and darts away from the blonde boy, his heart pounding.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He marches down to the basement and targets Kenny — marching over to him and pulling him away from Token, Butters, and Jimmy.</p><p> </p><p>“You wanna smoke?”</p><p> </p><p>Kenny looks amused. He whispers something to Butters, kissing him on the cheek and then nods to Craig, before he begins walking to the stairs. Craig follows behind him, head down in shame.</p><p> </p><p>They go to the front of the house and sit on the porch, Kenny pulling out a cigarette and hanging it to him. He pulls one out for himself and places it in his mouth, lighting his own and then Craig’s.</p><p> </p><p>“I was going to take your stupid fucking advice and tell him and then I couldn’t do it.” Craig takes a drag, coughing as he does so.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you say?” Kenny asks.</p><p> </p><p>“It doesn’t matter.”</p><p> </p><p>“That bad, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p> </p><p>A car dashes by on the road before them. The bass drops on some song behind them. He watches the embers on his cigarette burn.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll only help you if you tell me what was so bad.” Kenny declares, stretching his legs out over the porch stairs and leaning back on his hands that are stretched out behind him.</p><p> </p><p>“You fucking sadist.” He utters. He looks up at the sky — the stars he can actually see — and huffs our a breath of air. “I was ripping on Stoley for breaking up with him, and then I was going to tell him — you know — but I chickened out and said I had to talk to you.”</p><p> </p><p>Kenny roars with a deep laugh. “There is your fucking first problem — Tweek goddamn hates me.”</p><p> </p><p>“He doesn’t hate you.”</p><p> </p><p>He scoffs, “yeah, yeah, yeah. <em> Sure. </em>He’s fucking hated me since we made out five years ago and you know it, that kid is territorial.”</p><p> </p><p>“If he hates you, I’m sure there are plenty of other explanations,” Craig retorts, taking another drag.</p><p> </p><p>Kenny shakes his head, smacking his lips as he says, “nope. I’m lovable as <em> fuck!” </em> He exclaims. “And he only started to hate me after that — he literally glared at me for like a year straight. I slept with one eye open — that kid is scary.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmph,” he ponders over it — he never really noticed. If Kenny is right though, and he still <em> hates </em>him for what happened in eighth grade — he has to like him a little still, right?</p><p> </p><p>Kenny blows circles of smoke in the air — <em> show off. </em>He flicks the stray embers from the butt, “so now that we know — don’t mention Kenny — what are you going to say?”</p><p> </p><p>Craig sucks in a deep breath and sighs. He puts his elbow on his knee and holds up his face with his hand. “I have no idea.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know you pretend to be this asshole with no feelings but we both know you are the biggest softie in the grade — remember when you had that show in fourth grade? the ones with animals shot with a wide lens? then you put fucking <em> hats on them?” </em>Kenny laughs. “You really ain’t fooling anyone, Tucker.”</p><p> </p><p>“That literally does not help me at all.” He voices, looking over at Kenny who looks completely engrossed in the visual of cute animals with hates — a grin on his face. “What did you say to Butters?”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs. “I just spoke from the heart.”</p><p> </p><p>Craig glares at him.</p><p> </p><p>“You know,” he murmurs, “<em> this </em> thing” he pokes at Craig’s chest, laughing. Craig does not react and Kenny drops his finger. </p><p> </p><p>“I just can’t — I can’t do it.” He looks out to the desolate street — the leaves of a tree in the front yard blowing in the summer breeze. “It will be so mortifying.”</p><p> </p><p>“Only if he doesn’t feel the same way,” Kenny adds.</p><p> </p><p>Craig groans and steps up, burning out his cigarette before he does so and throwing it onto the sidewalk. “This was unhelpful, thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>“Anytime assface,” Kenny salutes at him.</p><p>
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</p><p>The party continues and it’s breaking three a.m. when people finally start dragging their asses home. It’s only mostly his friend group — he isn’t really sure some of them are even his <em> friends </em>— that stick around, but even they are departing.</p><p> </p><p>Clyde told him he can spend the night with Token, and he is planning too — but he sees Tweek is hugging Jimmy and Kyle goodbye, and watches as he walks away from them.</p><p> </p><p>He would be hurt Tweek didn’t say goodbye to him — but he knows Kyle leaves in like two days to college so it’s probably their <em> final </em>goodbye.</p><p> </p><p>He walks through the gate, disappearing into the shadows and it takes him a minute, but he is chasing after him — he <em> has </em>to tell him.</p><p> </p><p>Craig runs over, through the gate and up the lawn. Tweek is half way up the block as he catches up to him.</p><p> </p><p>“ACK! Craig! You almost gave me a heart attack.” Tweek has his hand over his chest and his breathing is hard. His eyes are wide and startled, and Craig just wants to comb through that blonde mess on top of his head and tell him it will be okay. But of course he starts on a terrible note — scaring him.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye,” he offers lamely. </p><p> </p><p>He kind of wants to smack himself on the head.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Sorry <em> augh </em>I just wanted to make sure I said bye to everyone I know I won’t see again this summer …” his voice trials and he looks down, as if he made some kind of error. “And, Uh, I figured I’d see you again, right?” He looks back up at Craig.</p><p> </p><p>Craig nods. “Of course. I — I definitely want to say goodbye, properly.”</p><p> </p><p>He does not even know what that means and Tweek looks perplexed as well — arching a brow, but he doesn’t comment on it.</p><p> </p><p>An awkward pause elicits as they just stare at one another. The whole world mutes behind Craig’s pounding heartbeat. His mouth is so fucking dry, he can’t talk.</p><p>
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</p><p>“O-kay … well … I am going to get —“</p><p> </p><p>“I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>Tweek’s gapes at him, his mouth hanging open.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Fuck </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> “I love you </em> .” He repeats. “I’m so in love with you and I’m such a pussy for not saying it before … that summer — you remember that summer you wouldn’t talk to me at all? because I kissed Kenny at the eighth grade dance? — that was the the worst fucking summer of my life — the worst <em> months </em>of my life.”</p><p> </p><p>Tweek is unblinking, still staring in disbelief.</p><p> </p><p>“And I missed you — so much — and I <em> loved </em> you — I knew I fucking loved you then and I didn’t say anything because I was scared — and I’m fucking <em> terrified </em> now but I had to tell you — because holy shiy, I love you. And I know we dated in grade school because of some weird yaoi weirdo fucking shit — and maybe grade school relationships don’t mean anything — but I wish I never got that stupid fucking boner in sixth grade — it was the worst boner of my entire life and I fucking wish it never happened because <em> I love you, </em>Tweek.”</p><p> </p><p>Tweek blinks, stunned.</p><p> </p><p>“ACK — what about New York?” He suddenly falls out of his daze. “Craig, I’m moving to New York in two weeks and you — AUGH — tell me this <em> NOW?” </em></p><p> </p><p>“I know. And I’m sorry, babe,” he grabs his hand, the old pet name easily falling off his tongue. “It’s fucking shit timing but I don’t <em> care </em> where you’re going — I don’t care. I’ll do the distance. We can FaceTime and I can save up money to visit — maybe we can even get people to give us <em> money </em> again — it can <em> work — </em>I want it to work because I want you, Tweek.”</p><p> </p><p>There is a long pause again and Tweek chews on his bottom lip, just staring up into his eyes. “I thought you were dating Kenny.”</p><p> </p><p>Craig bellows out a laugh. “<em> What. </em> No, no, no, no way.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, yeah, I saw him with Butters tonight — but before that — I was sure you were dating.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck that. Fuck Kenny. No. No, no, no — no.”</p><p> </p><p>Tweek grins at this. “<em> Good </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>And then Tweek lunges forward, his arms around his neck,  and lips pressing  against his mouth ferociously. He pulls Tweek to him, tightening his grip on him, clenching the fabric of Tweek’s shirt into his fists. </p><p> </p><p>Craig could feel his knees weaken, his whole body becoming aware of what’s happening — his mind spinning wild, unable to catch up — dopamine and endorphins shooting off through all his nerve endings like explosions in the sky.</p><p> </p><p>He never wanted it to end but eventually Tweek pulled away and whispered, “I love you too, idiot.”</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t think it could get better than that kiss — but after hearing those words, he does not think he will ever come down from this high. He smiles and leans in again, kissing him again and again, unsure if he will ever be able to pull away because <em> holy fucking shit.  </em></p><p>
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</p><p>He guesses he has to thank Kenny after all.</p><p>
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